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most weekday mornings at 9am, while most stay at home moms and dads out there are in the middle of teaching their three year olds the standard english rules of grammar or the chemical components of human cells, i’m tuned in to the “live with kelly” show (yes, you read that correctly). that’s the hour of the day when, as she stands in front of me begging for a bandaid for her skinned knee, i’ll kindly ask my four year old to scoot over because she’s blocking my view of kelly and her co-host du-jour who no doubt is saying something delightfully clever. it’s also possible, at this time of day, that my youngest daughter finds herself trapped in the laundry room by her older sister, but won’t secure her rescue until, of course, it’s a commercial break.

do i love kelly, her quick wit and rants about life? i do. 

do i envy each and every outfit she wears and make a mental note of which ones i need to buy the minute i become a gazillionaire? no doubt. 

do i sometimes daydream about being the caller of the day? yes, yes i do. do i have a particular action shot of myself picked out for when they show it to the ecstatic studio audience and the millions of viewers at home? i’ve narrowed it down to two. do i consider what witty remark i’d make about myself when they ask me what i do? (“oh kelly, i’m a boring stay at home mom who doesn’t do anything except keep the world spinning!”) do i memorize factoids mentioned in their conversations with famous people in case gelman calls the very next day to award me a trip to the grand cayman islands? (anne hathaway chose to cut her hair short for her role in the movie “les miserables” coming soon to a theater near you) do i constantly rate her co-hosts in order of which ones are the funniest yet not trying so hard that they cut off kelly’s jokes and observations? who doesn’t?

in fact, here’s my list of faves in a very particular order:

1. josh groban (surprised, aren’t you? but like i’ve always said: awkward + clever = hilarious)

2. seth meyers – i can’t stand him on snl or anything else, but he really works it on this show

3. michael strahan – this man is FUNNY. (i have a special place in my heart for the gap-tooth as i, myself, had one until i was eight years old.)

4. mark consuelos – kelly’s husband. (i can’t get enough of the old married couple banter)

all the others, i must say, are kind of bleh. they aren’t funny, but they aren’t awful, unless of course we’re talking about…

 kevin jonas. in which case…please! please! “live, with kelly” show: don’t ever do that to us – millions of viewers at home- again!

when kevin jonas is on, i quickly put my girls in the car and head for a lecture on “the structure and function of biological systems” which we would have, shamefully, otherwise missed.